Tic...Tic...Tic...

A favorite AA quip of the old timers around here is: “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” Well, uh…yeah. So last night as I prepared for bed and ruminated over the task of moving towards a solution to the crisis I experienced earlier in the evening, I began to pray for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out…tomorrow. Yep…He laughed.

As it turns out, my Cuban roommate overheard portions of my telephone conversation with my sponsor. He knew I was distressed which distressed him. (Yes, we’re all codependent around here!) So he approached my closed door and my darkened room and knocked.

I couldn't help overhearing your phone conversation. Would you like to talk about it?
Yes, I would, but I need to put some distance between my initial reaction and actually talking about it.
Okay, but you know we are here. But I won’t be able to sleep until we get this out in the open.
(Grrrr…) Okay, I’ll be right out.

You know what happened? The fuse that was lit earlier, so rapidly and so potentially destructive, fizzled out as if a bucketful of sand had been thrown on it. The paralyzing fear of talking about my hurt feelings turned out to be a product of my alcoholic thinking. Catastrophic thinking. Stinkin’ Thinkin’.

The three of us talked for over an hour, related to each other on a level that we hadn’t previously and resolved this misunderstanding. We methodically covered each point, not moving on until all of us were in agreement and comfortable. Huh! It felt good to face the fear and talk about where it came from, why it was so incapacitating, and take a positive action to prevent further misunderstanding and resentment. When all was said and done, I felt like I had conquered K2.

I believe that God knows what is in my heart whether I consciously articulate it or not. Prayer is a way to make “conscious” contact with my Higher Power and I believe it is more for me than anything else. What I didn’t realize is that in my prayers last night, I was attempting to control the outcome by postponing this confrontation (for lack of a better word) by praying for the right moment, praying for the right words, praying for the willingness, blah, blah, blah. Things happen in my life on God’s Time. I just need to take the first step in faith.

Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.