Family angst.

The labyrinth is a spiritual symbol of the path to enlightenment. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are my labyrinth during times of family turmoil.

I was raised in a middle-class family of 8 children on the south side of Chicago. Both of my parents worked very hard to provide us with all of the necessities of life, and the extras when they could. I don’t recall many inequities in treatment from one child to another. Those I do recall stem from the perceptions of a child. I am examining those daily to bring them out into the open where they can become warm from the light of love and truth. We generally all get along (with one exception), and I have been blessed beyond measure that they have accepted me back into the family folds. I still have formal amends to perform. And I will do so when I can do them in person with the respect and consideration that these wonderful siblings deserve.

My extended family has suffered a terrible tragedy in the past week. It is difficult to comprehend surviving such an event. There are no words that can comfort them. One can only listen and offer the love and strength they cannot possibly draw from those so intimately involved.

Instead, there has been an “issue” with one of my siblings and her public opinion on the matter. There is always an issue with her. I don’t understand it. She was raised in the same family, yet is just so “out there”. My parents and each of my other siblings have become targets for her hateful, self-seeking agenda from as early as I can remember. Things like repeatedly knocking my brother down and pushing on his Adam’s Apple, throwing a butcher knife at my sister while we were carving pumpkins, lying to my mother about conversations that never happened causing Mom to be hurt and confused, and other incidents that I really think should not be divulged publicly. (I do, however, share these things with my sponsor and a few trusted friends and family because we are only as sick as our secrets.) My 6 other siblings have nothing to do with her. Nor do I. She has adopted cousins, aunts, and uncles as her family now, publicly describing in detail how horrific her upbringing and her natal family are, while praising her new family for being the only “real” family she has ever had. No telling what untruths are being told. All I’ve wanted to do was scream a warning from the top of my lungs. But I haven’t. It is not my place…or is it? What would be my motive? To get back at her for the harm she has done to me and my family? To prevent future heartache and embarrassment for others? And what is the cost of doing such a thing? What is my responsibility to my extended family? The” fit has hit the shan”, and once again, others are suffering at her hand.

When I step back and try to objectively evaluate and process the dynamics of her behavior, all I can come up with is the term antisocial. I know that’s harsh, but the definition truly fits. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder And I cringe when I realize that this comes after I have done (what I thought was) a thorough 4th Step surrounding my relationship with her. I need to consider her a spiritually sick individual as directed in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Her behavior does so closely resemble mine at the height of my active disease. So I will go back and re-examine. Do another concentrated 4th Step on this issue. Pray for myself and for her. Meditate. And trust God. After all, I am powerless over people and situations. The only control I have is over my own actions.

Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.