Letting go.

There’s a dove that visits the telephone wires adjacent to my balcony on a regular basis. I used to be filled with fear when I sighted a dove. Years ago, someone once told me that they symbolized an imminent death. This young girl saw two of them in the bushes in front of my home as my now ex-husband and I were out for the evening and she was babysitting our children. She was relieved when we came home unscathed. The image was a frightening one. I can be fairly superstitious.

Since I have been in recovery, I have come to embrace the sighting of a dove. For me, a dove often appears when I am troubled about a decision that either lies before me or one I have just made. After some "Googling" and inquiries to friends, I feel more comfortable with the symbolism of peace for the dove. And since I feel a sense of inner peace when one makes itself known to me during troubled times, that is the symbolism I choose to believe.

I was uneasy this evening as I sat on my balcony. There are many issues weighing on my mind. My focus was particularly set on one of these issues, and after much prayer and meditation tonight as well as over the past several months, I felt I had my answer. My heart ached because while it is the right decision, there’s a part of me that will grieve because it requires that I let go. As a feeling of cautious relief came, it was accompanied by tears. And then it happened. This dove, who has alighted on the telephone wires across the parkway on many occasions over the past year, glided to perch on the edge of the table which sat no further than 2 feet away from me. She sat there, very still, very quiet, for perhaps 2 minutes with the wind blowing her feathers. Before she flew away, she turned her entire body towards me and lowered her head as if in a bowing gesture. And then she was gone.

I think I have my answer. Now if I can only let go in faith.


Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.