Drama

There’s always something. Some drama, our own or others, that lures us. What I find, more often than not, is that most of my dramas are not my own. The fact that I can recognize this today is nothing short of a miracle. The women’s meeting I attend is always a place that provides ample opportunity to test my theory. Tonight was especially “busy”.

Once upon a time, as a resident of this recovery home, I was embroiled in every minute drama. Hell yes, everything effected me. This was my home! Little by little, my sponsor helped me to weed through what was truly a concern for me, and what was manufactured misery. She taught me how to separate facts from the diversions I created to occupy my mind and avoid my issues. With that came the leveling of my ego. And growth. As time passes, I find myself less and less emotionally attached to the politics of recovery home life. The faces are different. The routines have somewhat changed. But what remains is that I am NOT the center of the universe.

Tonight, as I watched and listened, I felt myself drawn in to the drama. It was a carry-over from an incident last week that truly did not involve me. I was only asked to be a content expert involving a laboratory report. When I was asked to help, I was only too happy to be of service. But there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach. That “Witch Hunt” feeling. “Be of service, nothing more” was something I had to keep repeating to myself. As M would say, “Be Switzerland”. I repeated that to myself more than once this evening and it allowed me to keep my side of the street clean.

Another opportunity presented itself tonight to practice yet another basic principle I can easily push to the side. Again, we all love the drama and need to be in the know. I am certainly no different. This is fertile ground for gossip and character assassination. Too many suppositions, too many elements to opine. A question I learned to ask myself early in my sobriety was “is this my story to tell?” I don’t remember where I heard it. I’d like to take credit myself, but I was so without original thought when I got here, that I’m sure someone, somewhere, put that idea in my head. It just happen to stick.

Original thought. Hmmm. I feel as if I haven’t had one today. And that can be a good thing considering where it can get me, even on a good day. Thank God for the platitudes, original or not. They made my 10th step easier this evening.

Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.