I feel sad. C’s circumstances are such that she will be moving at the end of the month.
I wish there were something I could do to change her situation. This is a difficult time for her. My heart aches for her struggles. My heart aches for the loss of her physical presence in my life. It is difficult to find a friendship that brings such comfort; a friendship that adds value to my life. I thought she was someone who would always be around.
This is a pattern in my life. One I have not dealt with very well. The leaving…the vows to stay in touch…the feeble attempt…the walls that started to fall…the barriers being reconstructed…the loneliness. It has been my experience since I was 4 years old. I can name them all. They were so few.
Sponsor is encouraging more women’s meetings. And that scares me, though I know it is the best course of action. My relationships with women have always been the most difficult to forge. I cannot continue to shy away from that which frightens me. I may miss out on a truly wonderful thing.
Like my friendship with C.
Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.
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I can relate to having difficulties with being friends with women. As my self-esteem and self-worth has improved and my self-centeredness has decreased, because of working the 12 steps of AA, I find that I make friends easier. I am still working on the nurturing part of friendships. I find I start off everything, including friendships, with a bang and then my interests slowly fades. This is probably something I need to take a look at. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteMany blessings,
Marie
Often that "bang" you speak of, is really a craving inside of me to fill an emptiness. It causes me to set poor boundaries. What I forget is that when the "addiction" to having my needs filled from an external source fade, I'm left with an "icky" feeling. And then I have to back-pedal. It keeps me in fear. I have to constantly remind myself that it's an inside job and I have to nurture myself more than I do.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts!