I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a meltdown. My insides are racing and my heart rate reflects it. My mind is unable to focus on anything for any substantial amount of time. I am transposing words in the spoken word, and letters as I type. (Thank God for automatic spell check and correction!) My eyelids are heavy. My chest hurts. My eyes sting from holding back the tears.
I kind of resemble that chocolate bar that was put in the microwave for 30-60 seconds. It retains its shape until it’s touched. It’s only then that one realizes that it is melted; unevenly at that.
So, I’m just going to give in to it. You know…the gut wrenching, wailing cry. The cleansing type. I believe in them. While nothing gets solved in the outside world, it gives me a chance to purge. And purge I will.
Don’t worry about me. This isn’t a pity-pot kind of cry. This is an acknowledgment of my humanness and will no doubt be a time of prayer. Deep, spontaneous, and honest prayer.
Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.
.JPG)
whew, honest and heart breaking! but i love your words of comfort to us that it's just the human condition and you'll be alright...i am praying for ya'!
ReplyDeleteI started having those gut wrenching cries at about 2 and a half years sober. Several months later, I started laughing out loud again, too --those gut busting, doubled-over, eyes tearing up because you're laughing so hard kind of laughs. Before this all of my emotions were numb except for anger. I am so grateful that I get to experience all of the human emotions again.
ReplyDeleteand ... ?
ReplyDeleteJulianne,
ReplyDeleteHow are you today? Been thinking 'bout ya...
Marie