From the moral high ground.

I woke up restless. I’m bugged about a few things. Prayer and meditation did not relieve my mind and heart.

Most of what is on my mind this morning has to do with integrity. So I looked up synonyms searching for a firmer grasp.

Integrity: honesty, principle, honor, virtue, goodness, morality, purity, righteousness, probity, rectitude, truthfulness, trustworthiness, incorruptibility, uprightness, scrupulousness, reputability.

A definition:
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness

An opinion: Integrity comes from the Greek words 'integritas' and 'integra' meaning whole. It enters into any aspect of one's life. It's belief system without faltering no matter how dangerous, how unpopular the person makes themselves to others. It includes: sincerity, keeping one's word and agreements, honesty, truthfulness, ethics, fairness and justice, punctuality and never faltering for what one believes in.

Nowhere in my quest did I find permission to judge another person’s integrity.

So the question is: if I choose to live my life by a certain “moral code” can I escape judgment of others with the simple mantra “Live and Let Live”? And how, if I am to be true to what I believe is right, can I abide what I believe to be wrong within my circle of friends? Is it enough to close my eyes to maintain the friendship, or need I walk away? And is walking away a form of judgment, placing myself and my values on a moral high ground?

A favorite quote of mine was delivered to me by Firstborn during the depths of my active alcoholism.
“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” Nathanial Hawthorne—The Scarlet Letter.

Another is on my 2 year coin: "To thine own self be true."

My heart is aching just a little. I must tread lightly. It's a long way down.

Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.

Green in, green out.

So I chose to not wear green today. Call me a renegade. Since my favorite color is, in fact, green, and I wear it all the time, St. Patrick’s Day does not offer me any inspiration to alter my choice of attire on a Wednesday.

Being a natural redhead, with a feisty temperament, I am mistaken for a person of Irish descent all the time. One of my roommates was born and raised in Ireland (any wonder that he is the roommate with whom I clash?) and when we first met, he called me “Irish”. It was endearing, though I often wondered if it was because he couldn’t remember my name or if he was making a reference to my attitude. He is proud of his heritage and I now believe it was meant as a compliment.

Today everyone is Irish. Everything is green. And I am no exception.

My baby brother is all about the Shamrock Shakes. Gosh how I used to love them as a child! Having followed his craving for the wonderful treat for the past 2 weeks, I got a bee in my bonnet to have one…today only. (See? I can inject green activities into my day.) Absolutely delightful memories came flooding back with the first slurp. Anyone who grew up in a large family where sending someone out for McDonald’s was a rare (and expensive) treat, can understand. We may have rarely been able to order a Happy Meal or Big Mac, but we could get a (small) Shamrock Shake. Today it’s a symbol for me of what sacrifices my parents made for us. And I am grateful to know and truly feel that I was loved and cared for, in the unique way that only my parents could have done.

As I take in the pleasure of the minty green shake, I think about the green that is flowing out. Money.

A few things set me off kilter this morning and I had my feet firmly planted in avoidance. So when I finally went out to my car, I found a lovely present from LA Parking Enforcement. Grrrr! Parking is a nightmare here on Wednesdays and Thursdays: street cleaning. And yep, I know the rules. So, when I chose the action (or inaction in this case), I also chose the consequence. While I am irritated that my actions brought this additional financial burden upon me, I accept it as a path towards becoming a person of integrity. Because of the way I live my life today as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I will pay the ticket. And I will pay it on time.

I now patiently wait for St. Joseph’s day which falls on March 19th. A day to wear red and celebrate my Polish heritage. You bet your dupa I’m Polish!

Thank you for paying me a 12 Step call.